I'm getting the sense that if you dropped me anywhere in the world, I'd be unhappy. Chillin' in Indonesia? Unhappy. In the North Pole wit' my main man Claus? Unhappy. Rockin' in China with endless free movies? Unhappy.
The thing is, I want more. Maybe it's a human thing, but for myself at least I'm always trying to improve, and that includes my situation in life. I want not only to do better, but to be somewhere better, too. Why not?, I figuire. It's my life. I deserve the best. If I don't say that, no one will.
The trouble is in the way I motivate myself: guilt. How come you didn't do homework tonight? Now you'll have to cram it all in tomorrow. And Counter-Strike is a terrible video game! Why are you still playing that? Remember, you don't just have that assignment to do, but you should work on your Philosophy paper, too. And those readings for English next week. And did you make time to hang out with friends? I think all of that, and I prioritize all the things I have to do--but then, try as I might to break it into pieces, the number and scale of my tasks daunt me and I just want to play some more of that Counter-Strike. (Don't play the game, if you can avoid it.)
I've got to keep everything in context, though. What reason do I have to be sad? I've got food--hell, I've got plenty of food. I've got a nice room, a family that loves me, a caring living environment (for the most part), good friends, and a solid postsecondary education. Why complain? I shall try to remember all of this in the future: you can always be doing more with your life, but you must keep in mind the good things you have as you chase the other things you want. Remember that things are dandy right now.
Motivation, then, becomes a problem. I motivate myself with guilt, which is weird, but it gets me places. When I rest on my laurels for a few days and just relax, I find myself falling behind: things I want to do (but usually don't) pile up, deadlines loom closer before I start to work. It seems some days that if I didn't have stress, I wouldn't get much of anything done. Finding that balance between a drive to succeed and perfectionism is a challenge, and I haven't found it yet.
Well, I've got some assignments to do now; I'll go and do what makes me feel best about them: get them finished.
(image source: http://www.pwnem.com/t-buddypoke-game-characters)
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